I had alighted from my Sunday morning guagua, Pozos, and hopefully football bound, to discover the match had been put back to 12.30 thus I was far too early., when a terrible tourist twosome seized on this unfortunate Scot.
Can we follow you? Said the female Billy Bunter lookalike, all that was missing was a yarooooooooooo, which this Scot felt sure was just around the corner…
The temptation was of course to invite them on my odyssey toward the centre of the town...and you know how the next syntax exchange would go.
Female Billy Bunter “Where are you going?”
Scottish Guy “The bank, and then breakfast.”
FBB..”Yarrrrooooooo , you didn’t say that.”
SG “You didn’t ask”
FBB “Were lost now.”
SG “Never mind. The airports that way.”
Etc….But no, the tourists friend, that’s me. , or is that casualty magnet?
Question- Do the large serpent tattoos on my upper arms give away the fact that I am an English speaker? FBB opined in the positive.
While for my part I considered she to be German, or perhaps Austrian, such was the cut of her extra large, Lederhosen without the leder, shorts without the …short, blond pleated hair, national health specs …visual red herrings. Ugly, with silliness.
“We re from Bradford.” She offered a further conversational nugget ….huffing and puffing red faced, as we circumnavigated Pozos. Her partner keeping a safe distance behind what appeared to have frighteningly become a duo…..she and me ...eeeeekkk and I was concerned about street cred, although I may not have much, to be spotted with FBB would become street crud.
Ye Gods.
"Lucky you. Fuerteventura –Bradford- Fuerteventura …tough call. Anyway, the other side of the steps is the taquilla, sorry ticket office… I doubt if it will be open yet, it may not open at all. Have fun.”
FBB “Where are you going?”
SG “The bank, and then breakfast.”
Been here…………….
Tuesday, December 1
Sunday, November 29
Friday, November 27
X FACTOR X
She wore a crushed countenance resembling damaged furniture, thanks in no little part to the removal of all adult front teeth which appeared fashionable at a certain period in time, …the concave facial look was expected, if perverse. But when the hacking cough gave way to a Liverpool accent, this Scot was none too surprised.
“X Factor on Saturday, cant miss that.” Cough cough….gob, light up.
Her wizened partner nodded appreciatively, but it was at female determination to arrive at destination Emphysema as quickly as possible, rather than any proposed weekend viewing schedule, which gained his admiration.
Cough
Splutter
Gob
Meanwhile back at the supermercado, which I have always regarded more entertaining than Factor X or X Factor, or whatever; there is a large, and one time powerful man with his diminutive almost squeaky partner.
At the checkout, crouching to speak to the cashier, who could not have been much younger than him, he raises his voice and speaks to her as if she is a child.
“THANKYOU VERY MUCH”
She grins indulgently for the umpteenth time in a cashing career that has introduced her to new levels of boredom and tolerance.
Zzzzaannkyoooo meestir
“X Factor on Saturday, cant miss that.” Cough cough….gob, light up.
Her wizened partner nodded appreciatively, but it was at female determination to arrive at destination Emphysema as quickly as possible, rather than any proposed weekend viewing schedule, which gained his admiration.
Cough
Splutter
Gob
Meanwhile back at the supermercado, which I have always regarded more entertaining than Factor X or X Factor, or whatever; there is a large, and one time powerful man with his diminutive almost squeaky partner.
At the checkout, crouching to speak to the cashier, who could not have been much younger than him, he raises his voice and speaks to her as if she is a child.
“THANKYOU VERY MUCH”
She grins indulgently for the umpteenth time in a cashing career that has introduced her to new levels of boredom and tolerance.
Zzzzaannkyoooo meestir
Thursday, November 26
Wednesday, November 25
Bus queues and dithering giggle …
Quite what the attraction was in the ATM inside the supermercado, who knows but a discussion was taking place between the unattractive tuetons whom boasted sunburn, bad teeth and body odour.
“Veeee no vot veeee arrr dooooing” the female of the duo offered in that curious guttural rattle which often accompanies the vocalising of Germans attempting English.
My impatience had become almost tangible. “So what are we / you / us waiting for?”
Who said Germans were efficient. Not these two, whom could have been on day release from a padded cell…near you!....
Vorsprung durch Technik…..not!
I thought living amongst majorero had slowed life pace to a mere saunter, but there are impatient moments, and the Scot was having a few..
A bus queue, any bus queue, in the estacion municipal de guaguas or outside the shopping centre, it matters not one hoot. The individual(s) whom are determined to climb aboard first don’t speak the lingo…don’t appear to know where they are going, nor are they familiar with euro currency. And for a reason which escapes the Scot, it all appears to induce giggling. I sometimes have to wait so long that any congelados begin to melt…
Along with patience ……..
“Veeee no vot veeee arrr dooooing” the female of the duo offered in that curious guttural rattle which often accompanies the vocalising of Germans attempting English.
My impatience had become almost tangible. “So what are we / you / us waiting for?”
Who said Germans were efficient. Not these two, whom could have been on day release from a padded cell…near you!....
Vorsprung durch Technik…..not!
I thought living amongst majorero had slowed life pace to a mere saunter, but there are impatient moments, and the Scot was having a few..
A bus queue, any bus queue, in the estacion municipal de guaguas or outside the shopping centre, it matters not one hoot. The individual(s) whom are determined to climb aboard first don’t speak the lingo…don’t appear to know where they are going, nor are they familiar with euro currency. And for a reason which escapes the Scot, it all appears to induce giggling. I sometimes have to wait so long that any congelados begin to melt…
Along with patience ……..
Tuesday, November 24
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